My heart absolutely breaks for those who are going through marriage problems and one's who are separated or on the verge of divorce. My husband and I have been there, we know how devastating it can be. We know how to hurt and we used to hurt well- because its all we knew. But by the Grace of God- He showed us how to fix it all, how to turn it all completely around and MAKE IT WORK. He turned it from being the hardest thing in the world we've ever tried to do into one of the best gifts we've ever been given!
Today our marriage is one of the strongest relationships we've ever had, besides our own individual relationships with the Lord- and just like that one- its beautiful, its real, and its true. It requires honesty, forgiveness, grace, and an open heart and mind- and in return it produces comfort, security, and peace.("Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken." - Ecclesiastes 4:12) Getting to this point didn't come from me sitting around pointing fingers and saying, "If he would just CHANGE then everything would change." The first thing I had to do was stop blaming him and focus on what I COULD do. (Jeremiah 26:13 Now reform your ways and your actions and obey the LORD your God. Then the LORD will relent and not bring the disaster he has pronounced against you)
Then, based on past experience-you'll be left with nothing, so you hit your knees and say, "I realize now that whenever I've been in control- I make a mess of it each time." You see, I couldn't fix my marriage, and I needed a Savior- and I had to admit that! ("For I know the plans I have for you, 'Declare The Lord,' plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11) My lack of a happy marriage had effected each and every other aspect of my life- from the time I woke up til the time I laid down and cried myself to sleep. But when I asked God to come in and take over, He did!
When we give our marriage and our spouses over to God, it feels amazing because we are in fact- giving the burden, the future and the worries of our marriage over to Him as well. We are doing what Philippians 4:6 instructs us to do which is to, “Not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” And when we do this, we feel an overwhelming peace knowing that it is in His hands, which is what the next verse explains will happen…”And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
But remember, it doesn't work if we ask Him to take control when we're devastated and then as soon as things begin to get better we take back that control and begin to once again start doing things OUR way- it won't be too long before our circumstances will revert back, too.It's about giving Him access to YOU so that in YOU He can change all the ashes of what was left of yourself into beauty! (Isaiah 61:3 "and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor") That beauty will penetrate into everyone and everything around you. God will change your heart which then can produce a change in your marriage.
Sometimes, some people will try all of this- they will do everything the Lord asks them to do- but their spouse has completely shut down. They've closed off their hearts and hardened them to the point of not even allowing an ounce of truth to penetrate. (Ephesians 4:8 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts.) But God, in His awesome Power and Majesty, will have changed you from the inside out. He will have made you so new- that regardless of what your spouse does or does not do- you will have the peace that surpasses all understanding! All you have to do is keep having faith in Him that the work He began in you- will continue! (Philippians 1:6 "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.")
